Half of the summer always seems to happen without me even realizing it. Before I knew it, July had flown by and August was quickly coming to an end. My friend Shay, who graduated from law school this past May and took the Maryland bar at the end of July, decided to emerge from his self-exposed study exile and throw a graduation/end-of-the-summer pool party bash. Now with outdoor patios, day drinking, happy hours, dinner parties, I feel like I had been eating kinda crappily for awhile. Since Shay’s party was probably going to be the last big pool party of the summer, I decided to just bite the bullet and do a juice cleanse.
Now I have never done a juice cleanse before. I’ve gone Paleo twice for a month each time, and actually felt fantastic during and after it. However, I did not have a month before this pool party, I had a week, and that week also happened to be Restaurant Week. So I just figured I would cut out solid foods for a day and a half (from Thursday afternoon until Saturday at 1pm) and drink the koolaid from the BluePrint Cleanse. I was also looking for a mental reset, hoping that by forcing myself into a strict regimen of nothing but fruits and veggies in juice for a day, I’d have an easier time getting back to healthy ways as fall approaches and I have to wear pants again. Whole Foods was having a sale on the BluePrint juices, which also meant I did not need to pay for any delivery fees, so I just went to the closest Whole Foods during my lunch break and picked up eight juices (it is usually 6 juices a day). After a fantastic dinner at Nonna’s Kitchen during RW, I woke up the next day ready to go. To keep myself sane, I detailed my thoughts through out the following day and a half:
6am: Can I sleep in and just go to the gym after work?
6:01am: GET UP. Think about that bikini you have to wear in 31 hours.
6:15am: I should take a few sips of this chard basil apple romaine celery cucumber collards lemon juice before heading out. Oh god, it taste like just like grass in liquid form.
8:10am: On my way to the office after the workout. I am starving. I sip some water. My stomach grumbles in protest.
8:50am: In the office and ready to eat!!! I take a few more sips of the chard basil collards lemon juice at my desk. It still tastes like grass. I sip water in addition to it to fill my stomach up. I already miss solid food and I can see the candy bowl sitting by the HR Director’s door from my office, taunting me.
8:54am: I get up and move the candy bowl out of my sight.
9:37am: I make green tea. I burn my tongue on it. I wonder if singeing my taste buds will make these juices taste better?
10:15am: I am starving. I take a sip of the apple lemon cayenne ginger juice. My stomach curls up from the ginger and cayenne. I just wanted chicken broth or something savory at this point. I put juice back in the fridge after a few sips.
10:30am: I make a second cup of green tea and pretend it is chicken broth.
10:45am: I open a DC food blog to catch up on things. It immediately (obviously) makes me depressed so I close the browser.
11:43am: I decide to attempt drinking the apple cayenne juice again. It is very spicy. Does the spiciness suppress appetite? I do feel less hungry but I do not enjoy the taste of this very much. It’s a little too sweet for me but I can imagine it would taste good after a long run on a hot day.
11:52am: I cannot drink this juice anymore. Put it back in the fridge and finish off another bottle of water.
12:00pm: I seriously have never craved chicken broth like this before. Oh man, savory, salty, flavorful chicken broth. Why don’t more restaurants serve just plain chicken broth? That should be the new fad food, once cauliflower dies down. Hmm, is this my first juice cleanse hallucination? Exciting!
12:14pm: I can intensely smell everyone’s lunch, even though my office is in the back corner. I have never been so aware of the smells of different foods. Have I morphed into a hormonal pregnant woman?
1:00pm: I make another cup of green tea. It still doesn’t taste like chicken broth.
1:31pm: I attempt to drink more apple lemon cayenne ginger juice. It tastes just as bad as before, so I alternate tiny sips of the juice with huge gulps of water. My body is so full of liquids right now and I have peed three times in the last two hours. For the first time, I understand the appeal of a catheter.
1:40pm: Okay okay I can’t take it. I put the juice back into the fridge.
1:58pm: I get juice again, and really put effort into drinking it, as well as staying awake.
2:13pm: I finish second juice!!! I want someone to give me a high five but I realize that no one cares about my cleanse so I go back to writing this blog post.
3:10pm: I try the beet apple carrot lemon ginger juice. I immediately regret trying this. I am someone that does not like the taste of carrot juice or beets, so this drink made my stomach turn. I chugged water but it still could not get rid of the thick coating of juice all over my tongue. I definitely did not feel hungry, which was surprisingly since usually around this time I am starving. I wonder if I just feel the need to eat around 2 or 3pm out of habit.
3:17pm: I attempt to drink a few more sips of the juice. Ohmygod it really is so bad. I chug more water and pee half of my body weight out. My pee is completely clear! I feel like a human Brita filter.
3:20pm: Honestly my stomach is screaming at me to just stop every time I take a sip of the juice. This is coming from someone who loves balut, quail, bone marrow, chicken liver, beef/tuna tartare, beef intestines. I feel like I am down to eat anything. But I am not down to consume this. But I cannot believe I spent $8.99 on this, and my mother did not raise me to grow into an adult who would toss a 16oz bottle of something that expensive down the sink (which is what I am currently fantasizing about doing whenever I look over at that murky purple liquid). I force myself to finish off 1/3 of the bottle.
4:05pm: I make one last cup of green tea for the day.
4:40pm: I head out of the office, and grab the beet juice on my way out. Maybe sitting in traffic with nothing to do besides listen to the same 12 songs on HOT99.5 will make the drink seem more appealing.
5:35pm: I finally get home, and have finished off about 3/4 of the juice but my tongue feels like it is completely covered in sugary residue. I run to the bathroom to pee yet again, and then chug some more water before brushing my teeth and tongue for a solid four minutes.
5:50pm: I decide I am in no state to go out even I do not feel hungry. I’m already tired and looking forward to hours and hours of sleep. However the sun is up, so I turn on NetFlix and snuggle in bed. Somewhere out there, someone is “netlfix and chill”ing, and here I am literally watching Netflix completely alone on a Friday night two hours before the sun sets
7:10pm: I grab the cashew vanilla cinnamon agave drink. It tastes delicious!!!!!!! I want to chug it, but I tell myself to try to make it last as long as possible.
7:14pm: Okay clearly I have no self control. I go brush my teeth again and snuggle back into my bed.
9:10pm: Time to sleep!
8:30am: Well holy shit I just slept for over 11 hours. I wake up feeling fantastic, until I realize that no one texted me while I was asleep. What if I didn’t go out because I was kidnapped, everyone? Is no one concerned? (Answer: crickets)
9:30am: I take a few sips of the chard basil apple romaine celery cucumber collards from yesterday morning that I could not finish. It does not taste any more appealing today.
9:45am: I go for a long run and end up at the gym to lift some weights. I surprisingly feel very energetic and not at all hungry! I work out without any issues.
11:45am: I finish off the chard basil apple romaine celery cucumber collards juice, which is a little easier because I am totally parched after returning from the gym. This is actually satisfying, and although I am usually ravenous after a long run, I feel totally fine today. Then it’s time to get ready to party!
Since I have no real solid base of food in my body, I hold off of consuming any alcohol until around 3pm when I finally give into peer pressure and have a vodka soda. I was a little nervous that my already low tolerance would completely disappear and I would feel ill or wasted after any alcohol in my blood. I surprisingly (I keep using that word to describe my BluePrint experience!) feel only mildly buzz but not at all nauseous. By the time I leave and head back to my place around 6pm, I am hungry but still managing to hold everything together just find. I have a light salad at my place, and take a nap to finish off the BluePrint cleanse.
Overall, a day and a half on this went very smoothly. It was a little tough to drink some of the juices, but I did not feel hungry after the first few hours. I think a cleanse like this is probably best if you have a big event coming up that you want to lose some quick water weight for, or if you have been eating crappy for a while and want something to force you to think a bit more closely about what you’re eating. I realize that I probably snack in the early afternoon out of boredom, and not necessity so will focus on reducing that. After this little trial, I would definitely be down to try BluePrint for the full three days (although maybe during a month where my online shopping is controlled because this cleanse is definitely not on the cheaper side of anything).